To celebrate the upcoming holiday season,
here’s a chapter from my Best Selling Book,
“Being Human.”
We have a lot of Holidays, here in America.
Probably too many.
To prove my point,
here’s a partial list of Holidays we celebrate every year.
We start the year off with New Years day.
Then there’s Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday,
Groundhog Day,
Lincoln’s Birthday,
St. Valentine’s Day,
President’s Day,
Washington’s Birthday,
St. Patrick’s Day
April Fools’ Day,
Easter,
Earth Day,
May Day,
Mother’s Day,
Armed Forces Day,
Memorial Day,
Flag Day,
Father’s Day,
Independence Day,
Labor Day,
Grandparents’ Day,
Patriot Day,
Citizenship Day,
Columbus Day,
Halloween,
Election Day,
Thanksgiving Day,
World Aids Day,
Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day,
Human Rights Day,
Christmas Eve,
and finally,
Christmas Day.
Now that’s a lot of fucking holidays.
Personally, I think there are only two holidays worth celebrating:
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Fuck April Fool’s Day, Patriot Day and all the rest of those bullshit holidays.
Thanksgiving and Christmas, now these are real Holidays.
There’s always good food, family and friends, presents and of course, alcohol.
A good time is had by all.
Or so we hope.
And, if you’re not having a good time, get drunk.
It’s OK, it’s the Holidays.
But for some, the holidays are a miserable time.
A time of sadness and disappointment.
In fact, there are more suicides during the holiday season then any other time of the year.
Happy Holidays.
But for most, the holidays are a special time.
A time to show our love to our families and friends.
A time to reflect upon our lives and appreciate what we have.
But what if you don’t like your life?
What if you have nothing to celebrate?
What if you are stuck in a miserable existence, surrounded by people that you hate?
Or, worse yet, people that hate you?
Happy Holidays.
Unfortunately, this situation is more common than not.
The holidays force us into the same room, with family members we haven’t seen all year.
People we would never associate with, outside the holiday milieu.
But we all put on our Holiday Faces, and make the best of it.
We try our best to perpetuate the illusion of love and happiness.
We even buy gifts for these assholes.
All for the sake of the holiday season, for the sake of our families, for peace on earth.
If the truth be known, most people hate the holidays.
We eat too much, drink too much, and spend way too much money, on bullshit no one really wants or needs.
Things like neckties, electric back scratchers and those fucking fruitcakes.
But, what if we didn’t spend all this money during the Holidays?
What if we collected all the money spent on gifts and gave it to the poor, starving people around the world?
That’s about as likely to happen as finally telling your Uncle Jerk that’s he’s a inappropriate, overbearing, perverted asshole.
It’ll never happen.
Why?
Because there’s too much money to be made.
The business world has been waiting for this all year.
The Holiday Season is the epitome of our capitalistic ideology.
Create a day that requires everyone, everywhere, to buy as much shit as they possibly can.
For people they don’t even like.
It’s brilliant! And we’ve all bought into it.
In fact, we love it.
It makes us feel good. It gives us a chance, for one day a year, to feel like we’re a loving, caring, generous people.
We can be an asshole the rest of the year, but on Christmas, we’re a saint.
And the more you spend, the better a person you are.
“Look at me, I just spent a fortune on your fat ass, now what do you think of me?”
“If the truth be known, you’re still a fucking asshole.
But thanks for the gifts.”
The Holidays can also be very competitive too.
Whoever buys the best shit wins.
“I gave you a solid gold watch and you have the nerve to give me these cheap fucking earrings?
Is this how you really feel about me, after all I’ve done for you? You cheap bastard.
Thanks for ruining my Christmas.”
“Fuck you and the reindeer you rode in on.”
Happy Holidazes.
© 2012 OMW
The Weekly Rant 